My Life is Many Things...

Dull is not one of them.

Lord, I get down on my knees and beg you for a little boredom.

My eldest daughter wound up in hospital.  Twice in the last three weeks.  Recovering from mono, she now has been diagnosed with colitis and C. diff.  We got a bulk discount on pathogens.

That's pretty bad.

But that is not all.  No.  That is not all.

She's in the hospital eight hours away by ferry and car from where we live.  In fact, from where she lives, too.  What WAS she thinking?

The best laid plans o' mice and men gang aft agley.

My plans, however, fortunately include caring for my children, adult or otherwise, near or far, a little sick or quite a lot - I just didn't think it would be happening this week.

It's disconcerting being back in a hospital.  I know that overraction is natural, I just lost my Mom.  There have been a couple of moments of fighting back terror; of talking myself out of letting my imagination get the better of me.  Of reliving events from my raw and very recent past.

Most of my short time here has been watching her sleep.  Sleep is good.  I'd like some of that.  

Gasp!

I was thinking this morning...gosh.  Lucy and Ian's wedding is coming up really soon.  It must be in less than ninety days by now (there is a wedding day countdown on their website).  So, rather than count on the calendar, because that is really hard, I just checked out that useful countdown tool.
Seventy-one days!

Gasp!  That's like, seventy - only one more - (a quote from my son).

It's not time to panic yet, though, Scout.  But it is time for mama to shop for a dress.  The two days before Mary's wedding WAS cutting it pretty fine.  And shopping for a dress for your daughter's wedding IS pretty fun.  Oh, sure I could wear the same dress, but where's the fun in that?

So here are some questions that go through my head when thinking about my daughter getting married.

Have I prepared her well for married life?
Did I give good example in faith, commitment, friendship, communication?
Was I enough...was mothering enough?

Well, here's the bad news.  No.  I have not done all these things perfectly.  Many times I have not even done them well.  But the good example, the preparation, the formation...these were (and still are) the goal.
And that matters.  It matters because, falling short as often as I do...I know where I would like to be.  And so does she.  And we'll get there.

The good news?  Grace abounds.
Where I've fallen short, grace abounds.

"Grace is favour, free and undeserved..."  (CCC 1996)

On My Bookshelf...

I've always thought that the most difficult aspect of the Christian life was discernment.

How do I know?  How do I know what's right for me to do, of all the great goods presented to me, which do I choose?  How does a person choose a spouse, a career, where to live, how to spend time?

But how do I know what God wants of me, as a person?

I can discern, pretty well, the general will of God.  The Ten Commandments are pretty clear...how to love God...how to love others.  But as an individual with all of the options ahead of me that embrace love of God and others - there's a lotta options.

I've recently finished reading Fr. Jacques Philippe's tiny and powerful book Interior Freedom.  It took me a year.  So pithy, simple and thought provoking was his book, barely a quarter inch thick - that I had to mull each paragraph.  It was crammed with ah ha moments.

I've started a second book as spiritual reading by the same author In the School of the Holy Spirit.
The focus of this book is schooling the reader on the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  How do we know what God wants of us as individuals, how to foster those promptings in our life, how to be certain something comes from God.

I'm only a chapter in, but this book (again, only a quarter inch think!) promises to be every bit as rich as the first one I read.  From chapter one:

Holiness is not a program for life, but something obtained from God. There are even infallible means for obtaining it, and the important thing is to know what they are.  We all have the power to become holy, simply because God lets himself be won over by the trust we put in him.  

It's not because of the work we do, the plans we make, how excellently we follow our "program."  But holiness is a result of our receptivity, our willingness, our softness toward God and the movement and direction of the Holy Spirit.

Fr. Phillipe's books here.

And, for recreation, I'm reading aloud to the kids To Kill a Mockingbird in preparation for Harper Lee's long awaited second book (like fifty five years awaited)...

Go Set a Watchman...due to be published in about three weeks.  Ya. 

Birth Day

Just a follow up to the pregnant kitty situation.  

She's not pregnant any longer...but the proud and anxious mother of three little kittens.  

She takes her mothering role seriously, hiding her kittens in the back of her master's (Lydia) closet.  

So far, they are nicknamed:

Sunlight

Starlight

Moonlight

Artemis using her kittens for a pillow

one day old

most of the time, this is what they do - from left, Moonlight, Sunlight and Starlight - note the adorable little tails

Preparing for Marriage

Years ago, Albert and I did a video and workbook workshop on marriage and family life.  Kind of a marriage enrichment.  It was fun and informative, but perhaps one of the most important things we gained from doing this workshop was that camping is really good for your marriage.

Why, you wonder?

The workshop facilitator said it's because you cling to one another in crisis.  You draw together in hardship.  You come to the rescue of one another.

Camping, it turns out, is the perfect venue to experience crisis and hardship and the need to rescue one another.

We create the opportunity to find that selfless part of ourselves which we normally try to AVOID when we go camping.

On that note.  I have just completed my first overnight hike-camp with my youngest daughter Lydia (also a first for her).  The rest of the family are seasoned overnight hiker-camper people.

Did we experience crisis?
Yes.
Did we experience hardship?
Yes.
Was it needful to rescue people?
Yes.

And so, our marriage and family life has naturally improved.  All that in only two days of being away from home.  Almost like a marriage enrichment retreat.

some proof, I'm the one with the blue ball cap

some rest time, this is Albert

some nature

some small but sturdy hikers

some whiskey jack on Lydia's hand

some alpine flora

Rambling. Roses and Thoughts.

About eight years ago, we put a trellis up in our front yard as a backdrop to some lawn and garden beds.  My mom had a climbing rose that I really liked, and she had started a cutting from it for me to put against my trellis.  The rose grew bigger each year, climbed the trellis, appeared to be thriving...except in never blossomed.  Shiny green leaves, rambling farther yearly - and not a bud for eight years.

We talked about that, several times, my Mom and I.  We wonder why the darn thing wouldn't bloom.  

A couple of weeks ago I went out to do some gardening, and something caught my attention.  

Mom's rose was covered in buds.  Dozens.  

And now this:

Ya.  

Thanks, Mom.  

All the roses are heavy with buds and starting to blossom.  Another favourite we shared was this rose, New Dawn, we both have it in our gardens. 

Last Saturday, my Dad took us all around the Cowichan Valley, to the places he rambled as a kid.  Our family history, coming to life. 

See the two brides, side by side by their Grampa? 

Koksilah River

Kinsol Trestle

Koksilah Ridge from the trestle

The maple tree at the Station

Oh ya.  And our cat is about to have kittens.

 I undestand how she feels.

Empty Cupboard Space

Being a mama is hard.

Tomorrow, Lucy leaves to start a new phase in her life.  She will move to Ottawa, make wedding plans with her beloved.

I have discovered, with these two daughters getting married that there is a lot more empty cupboard space.  That was an unexpected byproduct.

I have given what I have to give in this stage of life, and I do not know what the next stage holds, for me to give or receive.  We packed all day.  She packed; I was merely moral support.  I made moderately helpful suggestions for packing and for her life.  It was a symbiotic relationship.  I got to mother her for the better part of the day.  She had company for all the packing.

I will miss her.

Being a mama is hard.

I highly recommend it.